Ep #37: How to Build Trust at Work Using ‘15-Minute Ally’ Meetings

Hello, everyone. Welcome to another episode of Maximize Your Career with Stacy Mayer. Super excited to be here with you again this week. And oh, my goodness, it has been quite a week.

We're out here in California, at the time of recording this episode, experiencing wildfires. So you can't actually go outside. And I have a three and a five year old, and I thought that shelter in place was bad because of the coronavirus. But now that I can't go outside, oh, my gosh. It's taken it to an entirely new level.

But another thing that was also pretty cool about this week, is that I launched a new live webinar. And it was really, really good. So before I get into today's episode, I want to make sure that you know about this, because I'm actually going to be offering it again in a few weeks and you can still sign up for it. And it's called 4 Steps to Scale Yourself to the C-Suite (No Matter What).

I'm going to be giving you all of the tools that I offer here on this podcast and taking it one step deeper. So definitely check that out. Sign up at StacyMayer.com/CSuite. That's StacyMayer.com/CSuite. And I'll see you there. That'll be awesome. It's really super good. So make sure you sign up.

And the other thing I want to talk about before we get into today's episode is one of my listener reviews.

I received a five star review from My Cas. And I really just wanted to share this with you guys, because if you're a new listener or you've been listening to me all year long, either way, I want to make sure that you were getting out of this podcast exactly what you want to get out of it. And I would love, love, love to hear from you about what is resonating with you and what you want to hear more of.

So this is what My Cas has shared with us:

"Stacy fosters your authentic leadership. I have been listening and reading Stacy's content for several months now and I absolutely love her advice, I had recently lost my job and was looking for direction on how to improve myself professionally for my next role. Stacey emphasizes getting to know yourself and using your strengths to help you lead in the workplace. What I like best about her approach is that she gives a roadmap and clear steps to get to those higher levels of leadership. She gave me a lot of focus and hope during a difficult time in my life. I used her advice to help me obtain a new management job. And I am excited to continue to use what I have learned from Stacy in my current role to get into the next level of executive leadership that I am striving for. Thank you, Stacy."

Thank you My Cas. Thank you so much. And congratulations to you. I'm so excited for you to land this next big opportunity for yourself.

If you've been a loyal listener, I would love, as I said, to hear from you as well. So go to StacyMayer.com/iTunes and leave me a review or share this podcast with your friends. It is so important that we all work together as a community to spread this message, because as you know, I am on a mission to bring more diversity to the leadership table by getting a thousand managers promoted into executive level leadership positions each year worldwide. And you can help me do that by spreading the word about this podcast.

So speaking of today's episode, what are we going to be talking about?

So it was actually inspired by a coaching conversation. So I had an entirely different podcast episode lined up for today. And I realized something in my coaching conversation. And I was like: 'oh, you know what? I need to stop right now and produce this episode.'Because it is that important and it's that timely with what is going on in our world today.

So what is that thing that I needed to shake everything up and talk to you guys about immediately? It's about building trust with the leadership team – remotely.

Now, we have been working remotely since March. And at the beginning of March, a lot of things really shifted very quickly. So you might have been one of those people that instantly went to having daily meetings with your boss. You instantly went to having just like a more regular cadence of online virtual meetings. And the reason for this is because executives and the leadership team felt like they needed to over communicate with people. And in a lot of ways, this was very true. You probably felt it. There was so much craziness happening. Our life was shifting, everything was changing. And so over-communication was a really great thing.

But now that we're in August, September and things are shifting, what's happening is those meetings are starting to die off. And so in today's episode, I'm talking to you about building trust. And before we get into how we're going to build trust remotely, I want to explain to you exactly what I mean by trust.

So trust has two different definitions. I remember when I was growing up, my mom used to tell me that trust was everything. That if you could trust somebody, never break that trust with somebody. It was the hardest thing to repair is trust. And she just instilled this into me in a very young age. And she also taught me how to trust her. And we used to have...I don't know if you know about, like, pinky promise. I'm holding my pinky up in the air right now. Where you lock pinkies and it's like a super promise.

Actually, I came across this again recently when I was watching the new Troll's movie. They did a pinky swear on it. But this is this idea of, hey, as a friend, as a companion, as an employee, you can trust me. And when I see that kind of trust, what I think of is I think of you can trust me to keep my word. You can trust me to do what I say I'm going to do. You can trust me to do my job.

And a lot of you don't have problems with that sort of trust. You're overachievers. You work really hard. You always do what you say you're going to do. You go above and beyond expectations. And this is showing up for you on a regular basis on your performance review. You're getting decent reviews. You're an excellent subject matter expert. You're always applauded for your effort. So this is that kind of trust.

But the trust that I'm going to be talking about in today's episode is a little bit different. It's trust that you can do the job at a senior executive level. That is a different kind of trust. That's not trust in that you can deliver on your results. I trust that you have the ability to lead at a higher executive level. And this is the type of trust that really stumps people who are having difficulty getting promoted into senior level executive roles. It feels almost nearly impossible to figure out how to build that trust.

Luckily, I have cracked the code, this entire podcast and my business is created around how do you build that trust with the executive team so that they can stand up for you and promote you into senior executive leadership positions. And today I'm going to take that one step further and say: 'how can you build that trust with the executive team, remotely?'.

So that's what we're talking about today, because it is even..it's just as important to do it. But what's going to happen is now you have to actually be more proactive about building that trust. You can't just wait for it to happen to you.

So in today's episode, I'll not only be emphasizing the importance of having these regular conversations with those people, I'm going to show you who you need to be talking to and what you need to be talking about so that you can continue to stay on the mind of the executive leadership team. So that you don't get forgotten about. Because the last thing I want is for 2021 to roll around and you have an expectation of getting a promotion or maybe you've been having these conversations with your boss on a regular basis, and it seems like you're in line for the next level, and then come to find out you don't actually get it. So that is the last thing that I want to have happen. And instead, what we're going to do is we're going to be super, super proactive.

So the reason that I was having this conversation with my client today was actually because of a Simon Sinek video that I saw online this week. Simon Sinek is the author of Start With Why. And so most of you guys have heard of this book, probably. It's a fantastic book and you should totally check it out. He also has an a really incredible TEDtalk that I'll linked to in the show notes. And he's a great person to follow online because he gives these little pithy leadership advice one minute videos. And one of those one minute videos was talking about how trust is built in between the meetings.

So what does it take to get promoted into senior executive leadership positions? Trust that you can do the job. And what Simon Sinek is talking about in this video in terms of trust is what is built in between the meetings, is that it's those words as you're walking into the meeting. So you're standing next to somebody and you're like: 'hey, how are your kids? Oh, my gosh. The fires in California. Can you even breathe?' Or maybe even talking about the meeting that's coming up. But it's all those side conversations that build trust.

He also talks about it: Think about it. You didn't fall in love with your spouse because of the date itself. You fell in love with your spouse because of the connection that you had with them. Those little things in between the dates. The little things in between the meetings is what builds trust with leadership. And what's missing right now? Those little things in between the meetings.

I had a client tell me very early on in March, she said: 'You know. One of the biggest things I miss is that I used to see my boss in the hallway. I used to just walk past him and then we would chat for a little bit. And then I would notice that in the meeting he would actually call on me more often.' And I coached her to actively go out and have those conversations with her boss before the meeting and not rely on the hallway.

So if we think about it this way, it's actually a good thing that we can't just rely on our old habits of walking past someone at the water cooler. And why is this such a good thing? Is because it puts your career choices...it puts you in the driver's seat of your career. You're actually actively having to voice your opinion. You're actively going out and having those conversations.

So what I recommended to my client today is that she needed to actually think about the different people, that she was no longer passing in the hallway and schedule a quick 15 minute conversation with those people.

So I'm going to I'm going to break that down a little bit more in a few minutes. But I just wanted to show you why it's so important to have those little side conversations with people. And the only difference now is that you're actually going to have to go out and actively schedule them.

The other thing about building trust with people is that the biggest unconscious bias that most people have is that we tend to like people who are like us. It is it's human nature like attracts like and we we tend to be drawn to people who think like us, who look like us, who are like us. And the training of unconscious bias teaches us how to unwire that part of our brain that just defaults to only trusting or having relationships with people who are exactly like us.

So, as you know, most of my clients and the people, of course, listening to this podcast, are the people who do not look, think or act like the rest of the room. And why is that? It's because, the reason that people who look, think and act like the rest of the room often have better relationships and better trust with the executive team is simply because they are called on more often in the leadership meetings. So, yes, the challenge falls a lot on the executives. They need to act better. They need to show up better. They need to check their biases and call on different people in the meeting. But what my goal is, is to empower you to learn how to actively build that trust with others. And one of the ways that you can do that is by scheduling these sort of meetings in between the meetings and knowing that your role is to actively go out and build that trust.

So who are you building that trust with? Now, calendar is probably really full with meetings with your boss. You're probably already having 1:1 meetings with your boss on a regular basis and you're still doing that. And I have another podcast episode where I talk about how you need to have more proactive professional development conversations with your boss. So that's definitely a given that you don't want to just have tactical check ins with your boss, giving status updates on different projects. You want to be also talking about your professional development. But let's just say that trust is already built. So you feel like you have a decent cadence with your boss.

The other person that you're meeting with already on a regular basis is your team. Now, I will offer that it is really important as a team leader that you you allow the team to build this trust within themselves. So you need to be having your 1:1s with different members of your team. But you also need to be conducting like breakout sessions, things like that, as you're doing these virtual calls so that people are really connecting themselves and building that trust. But let's just say that's happening. Right. That's you being a good manager. I know that you're a good leader. So I'm going to assume that you're also having regular conversations with your team. Who am I talking about here then?

I am talking about the people that you're not meeting with one on one on a regular basis. One of those people is your boss's boss. Yes, you need to schedule a meeting, start with your boss's boss, 15 minutes, just get on their calendar for 15 minutes just to have a quick update. Ask them what they're working on. Ask them what their goals are. Ask them what their challenges are. Whatever it is that you want to ask them about, just have a quick check in with them. And I'm going to give you some more tips on what to actually ask in this meeting here in a few minutes. But but just know, the first person that you need to be building a relationship with yesterday is your boss's boss.

The second person, now, you're going to be very apprehensive about this, is your CEO.

Now, I don't know how large your corporation is. If it's a gigantic corporation and your CEO is extremely far out of reach, don't worry about it. They're probably a little bit too far away. But if they're within arm's reaching distance...Like, my client used to actually pass her CEO all the time in the hallway and so he would check in with her, he would just say hi. He would think about her. He'd ask her what she was working on. Pretty much all of my clients have a pretty decent relationship with their CEO. But not right now. And so almost all of them inherently think that their CEO is just too busy to meet with them, especially because of our world right now. So there is a lot of change happening. There's a lot of craziness happening. And so we don't want to bother the CEO.

No, you need to get 15 minutes on your CEO's calendar, yesterday. So that is the second person that I want to make sure that you are building that trust, that in between the meetings type trust, with your CEO.

And the third person is: whoever you want it to be. Pick one. Think of somebody that you used to see on a regular basis that you miss seeing. Just pick them, OK? It could be really anybody. But when we're talking about leveraging our relationships and actually building our career at our promote ability, our ability to be promoted to that next level of leadership. Then I suggest a peer, a member of the leadership team, somebody above you that you're used to see on a regular basis but you're just not seeing anymore. So whoever that is.

So those are the three people that you're going to schedule meetings with: your boss's boss, the CEO, and whoever the heck else that you would like to schedule it with.

Now, what are you actually going to do, how are you going to reach out to this person? So the first thing I want you to do is schedule a 15 minute meeting. Schedule it that short. Don't put 30 minutes. Don't put an hour. Schedule a 15 minute meeting. What this does is it tells the person that you're scheduling with that you actually value their time. That it is just a quick check in. That we're not going to go over a huge problem that we're trying to solve. That it's really just: 'I miss seeing you and I want to connect with you again.'

So that's the first thing that you're going to tell this person, is simply by scheduling a 15 minute conversation on their calendar, it's going to tell them what that means. That this is a casual quick check it. So that's the first thing that you're going to do.

The second thing that you're going to do is literally spell it out. I miss seeing you on a regular basis, and I just want to have a quick check in with you. I want to see what what you're up to, what what your challenges are. Give you a quick update on what I'm working on. So, especially if it's somebody that you used to see physically and you're not doing it anymore, make sure that you tell them that and that you value the time with them.

Now, many of you weren't seeing these people to begin with. So you weren't somebody who saw your boss's boss in the hallway or had regular conversations. You weren't somebody who had regular conversations with the CEO. You weren't somebody who had, well, hopefully you had random conversations with somebody. So that's the pick one, right? Whoever you want. So hopefully you at least have that person.

And if you're somebody who hasn't already had that relationship and you're like: 'Oh, I just miss seeing you. Then just say: 'In this virtual world that we're now in, I'm trying to be more proactive about my relationship building. I'm trying to be more proactive about communicating and connecting with leadership. Can I schedule a 15 minute call on your calendar just to do a quick check in?'

So either way, however you want to couch it, that is what you're going to do.

So that's it.

You're going to get out there and schedule those meetings right away. Don't hesitate. You have to remember that so much time has passed already since we've been working with remote teams that there is no time to waste. Plus, it takes a long time to get on their calendar. So you want to reach out right now before you second guess it. Before you're ready. Just schedule the conversation, get on their calendar, and just do it. It's fifteen minutes. It's a simple thing. But it could make such a difference in your career this next year.

Like I said, it is so invaluable to begin building that trust with your leadership team. Your boss can't be the only person who supports you. And if you are somebody that has a boss who doesn't support them, you really know what I mean. It is so important to build that trust with everyone else around you. And just like Simon Sinek pointed out in his video, that trust is built in between the meetings.

So get it scheduled. Do it now. Just rip off the Band-Aid and I guarantee it is going to help you so much. It's going to help your confidence. It will help your career and it will help you get promoted into a senior executive leadership position even faster.

Thank you so much for listening and have a wonderful week.

Bye!