One of the most powerful things I teach on this podcast and in my Executive Ahead of Time program is how to manage your emotions.
And by managing your emotions, I don’t mean: stuff your emotions deep down inside.
But I do mean:
🙏 Manage your emotions so you don’t spin out when you get negative feedback
🙏 Manage your emotions so you don’t doubt yourself and your long-term goals
🙏 Manage your emotions so you can speak up and be heard
🙏 Manage your emotions so you can enjoy a whole new level of fulfillment and ease as you step into higher levels of leadership
And this desire to embody this new kind of leadership so you can be more authentic and loving to yourself is exactly why I needed to invite Jay Fields onto my podcast.
Jay Fields is an embodiment educator who has devoted her life to helping people manage their emotions more effectively so they can have their own backs at work and in life.
And she does so in a way that is grounded, playful, empathetic, and intelligent.
(And those are some qualities we can all get behind, right?)
In this episode of Maximize Your Career with Stacy Mayer, Jay and I discuss how you can tap into a new level of power by embodying your self-awareness as a leader.
We also discuss the #1 thing that got Jay to where she is in her career, why building your relational intelligence is as important as your drive to succeed, why focusing only on smarts and achievements causes so many corporate badasses to suffer, and more.
This conversation is so impactful and so brilliant. I can’t wait for you to listen.
Let’s get started.
Want to receive the recognition you deserve, step into a higher leadership position, get paid for your ideas instead of the hours you put in at work, and enjoy more time, freedom, energy, and joy? Then you need to get your hands on a copy of Promotions Made Easy. Get your copy here.
What You'll Learn:
- Where leaders get lost when they are struggling to ‘walk the talk’
- The pivotal moment that lead Jay to this work
- Why so many successful people struggle with feeling good on the inside
- The problem of leading from what Jay calls a “one down” place, and how to lead from a “same as” approach instead
- How to identify your inner cast of characters
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
- Learn more about Jay’s LinkedIn Learning courses:
- Teaching People Not Poses: 12 Principles for Teaching Yoga with Integrity
- Learn more about Jay’s group coaching program, Yours Truly
- Visit www.Jay-Fields.com
- Join my group coaching intensive, Executive Ahead of Time (and access my 36-day Executive Reboot!)
- Get your copy of my brand new book, Promotions Made Easy: A Step-by-Step Guide to the Executive Suite
- Go to StacyMayer.com/Strategies to join my email list and receive my email series, Seven Promotion Strategies that Your Boss Won’t Tell You
- Connect with me on LinkedIn
Stacy Mayer: Hello, corporate badasses. Welcome to another episode of Maximize Your Career. I'm your host, Stacie Mayer, and especially excited to be here with you again this week. I have a very special guest, full transparency friend of mine who connected with me unbeknownst to herself. It was through her team actually reached out to me to be on my podcast and I was like, What? I know her. Yes. Why had we never thought of this before? And so this is just such a magical connection and I'm so excited to have her on here and for you to be able to learn from her amazing wisdom today.
A little background on how I know Jay and I'll do a more formal introduction of her in just a minute is through Eleanor Beaton's Incubator program. As you know, Eleanor Beaton is my business coach, and she also wrote the foreword for my book Promotions Made Easy. So you've heard a lot about her on this podcast and how much I adore her and all her work. And the other thing that I don't talk about a lot is all of the amazing leaders that are inside of her programs. It has been the most extraordinary, impactful group of women that I have met in my career personally, and I'm just constantly in touch with them and learning from them outside of the program as well. And so that is just another benefit to being a part of these larger communities where you can meet people that you never would have met on your own. And so I'm super grateful for that. And that her podcast producer reached out to me, which is amazing. Thank you, Jay. Thank you so much for being here.
Jay Fields: Oh, my gosh. I am so delighted. I love being in this setting with you. I feel so connected to you, but we've never had this experience, so I'm very excited to be here.
Stacy Mayer: Exactly. You're sort of like, I mean, this is the way I am. It's like, what? Why haven't we done this before? It's so great. So you guys are welcome into our living room right now, basically a living room conversation and I'm excited. But to formalize the living room conversation, let me give a little bit of an introduction so you know how badass Jay really is, and then we'll just dive right in. So, Jay, finally, 1/2. Okay. Jay Fields has devoted her life to helping people manage their emotions more effectively. More than 250,000 people have gone through her courses, including the most popular one Managing Your Emotions at Work. This is a LinkedIn learning course and I'm going to link to it in the show notes, so you can definitely check it out after you listen to this episode. Her approach to helping people have their own back at work and in life is grounded, playful, empathetic and intelligent. Jay received her BA in. Jay received her BA in psychosocial health and human movement from the College of William and Mary and her Master's Integral Transformation. Transformative education from Prescott College. When not facilitating trainings, you can find Jay riding her motorcycle with her sweetie in the mountains outside of Ojai, California, where she lives.
Jay Fields: Thank you, Jay. I'm going to have you go back and do that. It's. Oh, hi.
Stacy Mayer: Oh, okay. Perfect. Outside of Ojai, California, where she lives. Thank you, Jay. Thank you so much again for being here.
Jay Fields: Yeah, I love it. Very excited.
Stacy Mayer: So before we get into all of the amazing tools and tricks and everything that you're going to give our listeners today, why don't we start out with some of your personal secrets to success? What has gotten you to this point in your career?
Jay Fields: I'd say the number one thing that's gotten me to this point in my career is doing the inside work to be able to be a person who I can most, most often say my insides match my outsides. Hmm.
Stacy Mayer: Okay, now you're going to have to tell us more because I'm like, you know, is that like blood and guts or what do you mean?
Jay Fields: Here, let me show you. Well, actually, I had a person reach out to me yesterday, a potential client, and she said it perfectly. She said, I read something you said about insides matching outsides, and I was like that. I need that because I know when I show up with my team, I show up as an encyclopedia of knowledge. I do not show that on the inside. I feel insecure and I feel like a fraud or all of the the mixed stuff that happens on the inside. So to me, insides matching outsides is that piece of I can track my own experience and manage it enough, whether I'm managing emotions or managing my nervous system enough to be who I am on the outside as the same as who I am on the inside.
Stacy Mayer: I just had this beautiful image, so she referred to herself as an encyclopedia of knowledge on the outside. And and then I think you I mean, tell me if I'm wrong, but you must get them to an encyclopedia of wisdom on the inside.
Jay Fields: Oh, there you go.
Stacy Mayer: That was nice. It's so beautiful, right, though, because it's like when we talk about our insides. And I think even for people who are because because we are such a work in progress and I have done a lot of spiritual inner work on myself personally and even I find myself really referring to the work in progress aspect, maybe not owning the work that I have done on myself spiritually to be able to get me to the point where I am able to be successful. Right? To even deliver this information to you, I had to do the inner work on myself to even get here and have this podcast.
Jay Fields: Absolutely. And the success is in part due to the Encyclopedia of knowledge that you have in your head about your expertise. But if I were to be so bold as to compare myself in even the smallest way to Brené Brown, it's like the fact that Bernard Brown's research is brilliant, but what makes her truly successful is that she knows intimately her own shame and shows her vulnerability. Because as a shame researcher and a vulnerability researcher, she can't be truly good at what she does if she doesn't show that she lives her work. And so for me, it's funny. About 12 years ago I wrote a book, I was a yoga teacher for 20 years, and I wrote a book called Teaching People Not Poses. And the subtitle, I.
Stacy Mayer: Love that.
Jay Fields: Right? The subtitle was 12 Principles for Teaching Yoga with Integrity. And I published it and I was so excited. And then like that same afternoon, I was like, Oh crap. I just wrote a book that said How to teach yoga with integrity. I'm going to have to do that, you know? So it's my master's degree you mentioned was in transformational education or in education. And that whole idea is is experiential education. And the in the the bane of every experiential educators life is that you have to be able to do what you're teaching. So if I'm teaching emotional regulation and nervous system regulation and being having relational intelligence, I got to. I got to do it.
Stacy Mayer: Hmm. I love it. Yeah, we have to do it right. We have to walk the talk. And I think as leaders as well. Right. And we'll talk to more later on today about how to relate with your team and things like that. And I think that's where as leaders, we kind of get lost because we do the work for ourselves, but it's kind of self centered and right and it's about us. And then we forget to walk the talk. And actually the whole point is so that we can be a better leader, so that we can connect more with our team, our organization, our leadership, right? Whatever that might be. It is relational. It's not one sided. And so I think that's really important.
Jay Fields: Absolutely. I mean, I think look like the overarching theme behind my work is if we were if humans were fundamentally achievement oriented beings, then we would get fulfillment through our achievement and our acquisition. We are primarily in fundamentally relational beings. From the moment we're born to the moment we die, everything we do is in the context of relationship. So and that's where we're going to actually get fulfillment. So even though all the work that I talk about on my LinkedIn learning courses and in these interviews is about the workplace, really. It's about how do you show up as a person and do you like yourself in your relationships that you're in in a day to day basis?
Stacy Mayer: Wow, that's good. I love that. So speaking of liking yourself, what would you say was a pivotal moment for yourself where you were able to even want to do this work to get your masters, whatever it was? I'm sure you must have some sort of story.
Jay Fields: Oh, of course there's a story. Let's see where where to enter into it. Well, I would say I would identify as someone who I grew up in outside of D.C., in a culture that was very much valued thinking and achievement. And I was a sensitive, emotional kid, also very good at school, you know, did all the right things, checked all the boxes, but definitely grew up in a culture in which the unspoken rule was being a good person means never making anyone else uncomfortable. And. I shouldn't deprive anyone else of something because I have a need. Hmm. Really difficult place to orient yourself in terms of going into adulthood, trying to find meaningful relationships and meaningful work. And I really struggled in my twenties in terms of finding healthy relationships on a personal level and also knowing my worth and having a strong enough sense of self and value to step into any kind of career. I was always an entrepreneur, but that's where I really struggle. So all of my my learning and my graduate work and my trainings all were first and foremost for me to figure this stuff out. Like, how is it that I, as such a smart person, got so derailed from knowing how to do the basic things of like pick a person, pick people to relate to who are kind and loving and like know my value in my work. So that's the the kind of the broad strokes of the personal story that brought me to trying to figure out how it is that so many of us smart, successful, you know, quote unquote, successful people on the inside are not. Feeling good.
Stacy Mayer: Right? Right. And one of the things that you said is, you know, the unspoken rule of not making other people uncomfortable or not putting people out because of your own needs. The opposite of that doesn't feel very appealing to me. Right. So it's like make other people feel uncomfortable, put other people out, like, I don't want to do that. Right. So I would prefer I mean, this is subconsciously right to to stay in this sort of safe space where it's like everybody's comfortable, right? But then, like you said, inside, you're screaming, so what's that balance where you're able to stand up, to assert yourself, whatever that might mean. But it's not this opposite. Right. So I'm curious.
Jay Fields: No, I think that whole opposite thing you named it perfectly and it's a false premise, right? It's this false premise that there's one reality if you're in a relationship with someone, most of us have been brought up unconsciously to believe. There's one reality here, and we have to fight for who gets it. One of us is going to be the better one. One of us is going to be the stronger one. One of us is going to get our way. But there's two. If there's two people, there's two realities. And those people get to each have their own experience. I don't know if this is making sense, but I'm thinking about it in terms of. How you show up at work and as a leader. I was working with someone recently who was just recently as CEO, six months in at a new organization, and she was flailing and she reached out to me because she knew she wasn't feeling good in her role. She knew it was unsustainable for her, unsustainable for our organization. And through our conversation, we identify that she was. Quote unquote, leading from what I would call a one down place where she was trying to make everyone else comfortable. She wasn't she didn't want to rock the boat. She didn't want to come across as that opposite of I don't want to be dictatorial and selfish and not at all empathetic to my people.
Jay Fields: And so we talked about I was like, well, that's built on that false premise that you're either going to be one down or you're going to be one up from somebody. But I think the you know, the word of wisdom that I have for for leaders out there is to enter in as same as, oh, that that's that middle place. It's not black and white. There's a place that's gray where we all have value, we all have worth. And we all also have our own experiences, you know, in the sense that for this client of mine, she was like, I'm working my tail off and I'm picking up, you know, I'm carrying extra weight for everyone else. It's not working for me. And if her insides get to matter, if she gets to have her own experience, then that isn't okay. And it doesn't mean then that everyone else has to take it on. It means that she has to come to her team and say, Hey, this isn't working. Mm hmm. What would work for you? Because here's. Here's what I need. How would that work? So it's that. Yeah. Back to relational. It's not black and white. There isn't one reality that's going to work here. There's two. Or there's if there's five people on the team, there's five. So how do we get to speak from our experience and say, how do we navigate this?
Stacy Mayer: I love that so much. So let's see. We're neither one up or one down, but we're. Remind me again what you said. Same as. Same as soap. Yeah, of course. It's so amazing. I. I just wanted to say something that came to mind. There is. I tell my clients to think of their executive team as their peer. And the first thing that comes up, they're like, No, but they're not. Right? Like, there's this hierarchy, this structure. And I'm like, mentally right. The way you show up, you're not going to walk in there and diminish their authority. Right. But it's from an attitudinal standpoint that you are of course, you are worthy to be in the room with that executive. Of course, you are their peer, really. You have so much value to add to their life, to their job, to their work.
Jay Fields: Absolutely. And and for me, in my work, my orientation is very much embodiment and embodied social, embodied self awareness. So when I was working with this with this client and with all my clients, I often will say, like, what does it feel like in your body when you orient to being one down, when you feel like you walk into the room with your team and you're like, Oh, I can't put anybody out and I can't have needs. Like usually it feels small. You feel collapsed in your chest, you feel that kind of shy kind of feeling. And then I say, What does it feel like to feel one up? Mm hmm. And usually someone will say, like, it feels really powerful, right? Because it does, but it also cold. Or it feels hard or it feels it's like I feel like a brick wall. And that's not where I want to lead from either. So then what is the experience? What is the sensation in your body of. Same as. Whoo!
Stacy Mayer: So tell us more about that. I'd love to talk more from a practical standpoint about your work, because I want everybody here to be able to walk away with what? What is that? How do we figure out how do we get in touch with our bodies? How are we listening in this way?
Jay Fields: Yeah. And I think, you know, because I mentioned that I had written I was a yoga teacher and I wrote a book about yoga all those years ago. This is where this is the piece of how it came in is I was I was working with people in their bodies in in the context of yoga. But what I what I was really seeing was how when people are in their bodies and not in their heads, they show up differently. And so I studied embodied leadership and schematics and really started to understand that the research shows that. Our our ability to have embodied self awareness as opposed to conceptual self awareness opens us to all of these great characteristics that we think of a wonderful human being, having things like empathy, courage, adaptability, resilience, that stuff we don't have because we're smart and we're self aware. That stuff we have because we can be present in our body and know what our experiences, know what our nervous system is doing, know what the sensations are in our bodies and what those sensations and tell us about what we're feeling, what the emotion is. So it's like I often say to people, the smarty pants people that I work with, like if you aren't using your embodied intelligence, you are leaving a lot of knowledge on the table.
Stacy Mayer: And I was just thinking, you're leaving a lot of impact on the table. So a lot of the women who listen to this podcast, what they'll do is not raise their hand for a higher role. And, you know, there's the whole thing, like, I have to meet all of the qualifications and such like that that women tend to do on an unconscious level. But I really think the biggest challenge is this is not sustainable, right? So they're so intuitive that they're like, I actually don't want to be CEO because I know that if I bring this type of leadership that I'm embodying, quote.
Jay Fields: Unquote, right.
Stacy Mayer: Now to the next level, how in the world, how in the world am I going to be happy? Right? Like that is just not the answer. And so I think that, you know, like, like you said, you're leaving this intelligence on the table. You're leaving the ability to impact. Right. Why are we trying to be change the leadership table? Why do we want to be at the leadership table? It is to change the leadership table, right? It is to bring ourselves right. It's not just to recreate what's already happening.
Jay Fields: Exactly. It's to it's to change the. Again, for me, the big picture piece of it is it's I think so many people are are suffering because they they got the message that in order to be happy and successful, you get your you become smart and achieve. And that's not bad. It's just not the whole picture. And that it leaves a whole chunks of you outside when you go to work. I was thinking the other day about when I was thinking about talking with you today,
Stacy I was thinking about how like maybe six or so years ago I was I was invited to speak at an offsite for a major accounting and consulting firm. And I was on stage for an hour and I was talking about all this stuff about your insides matter and embodied. Self awareness is how you get social emotional intelligence. And that's important because your work is really about relating. But this was a culture that's very it's heady, it's achievement, it's get out of the way sort of thing. And I was looking out, Stacie, on this audience, and I could tell they were not digging it. It was not the right message. You know.
Stacy Mayer: It's actually really I want you you have got you're going to tell this story, which has a happy ending because you're here today. But I was like I was picturing, you know, it really is. You know, you're the leader that you're digging it, right? I know for sure the women listening to this podcast are digging it and eating it up. Eating it up. And they're also seeing the nine other leaders at their organization who aren't digging this. So I was actually right where I wanted to go was just like, okay, so now what do we do?
Jay Fields: Oh my gosh. I was ending my crowd of 500 people and I was like, I think 400 and some of these people hate this. And so right after I got off stage, we were ushered into a formal dinner and I was like, Oh God, I don't want to go to this and but I love food. And I'm like, I'm going to dinner. So anyway, I go in there and I'm like, the pride. Nobody will come up and speak to me. Okay, so what normally what happens after I give a talk? People are like, Oh, that was so great. You know, I'm like, no one walked me. And I was like, Okay, okay. So this is a moment where I get to practice that it doesn't matter if these people don't think what I have to say is important. I think what I have to say is important. I believe in it and I'm going to eat my delicious dinner and go. But what happened was in the course of the night, about seven people kind of secretly found me in the hallway or came up to me. And those seven people, all of them different story, tears in their eyes. Thank you so much. I needed to hear this. And one guy even said he was young, young guy in his twenties. He said, If you ever doubt that your work is touching, people know that tonight you change someone's life. Wow. And the reason why I think of that story in regards to what we were talking about is I. I want to be at the table because. I want to change what we say. The characteristic characteristics of a valuable leader are, I think, a valuable leader. He is someone who has incredible relational intelligence to match their encyclopaedic intelligence to match their drive. Because drive is part of it. Wanting to succeed is part of it. But it isn't all of it.
Stacy Mayer: Right? Oh.
Jay Fields: Yeah.
Stacy Mayer: So then how do we navigate this? Like, because as I'm listening to you, I'm like, this work is the answer, right? Like it is not only what is going to get you into those higher level leadership positions, but it is the change that we need to see. Right. Because you can get promoted, right, and bring all this other junk with you. Right. And so how so? I see it as the change, but I also see that we're very busy human beings and if we're stressed and we're already feeling a bit overwhelmed and taxed and all of these things, this feels like additive in some ways. And I don't think it necessarily is. I think that there's a letting go piece, but I'm actually that's the tap that I want to talk about is that what do we need to be willing to stop doing in order to allow this embodiment work and our embodied leadership practice to come with us?
Jay Fields: Great question because I really I really hear the piece of like don't make it additive get that because there's plenty of ways that we can make it additive. But I think the. The. What do we need to stop doing is like. Putting so much weight into figuring shit out in our head. Meaning I was just talking with a client and she's a fairly new client and she said, We've worked three times together. And she said, What I am not doing anymore is constantly analyzing everything. I'm not thinking, thinking, thinking, what does that mean? What's going to happen? She said, What I'm doing instead is I'm going to what do I feel right now? And so the most basic level is what do I feel right now? Like actually in terms of sensation, what is the sensation I'm having in my body? Like, for example, right now I feel in my body, I'm leaning in, you know, I've got my shoulders up because I'm kind of like in that excitement, like, ooh. So my the sensation in my body right now tells me I'm excited and I'm interested. Mm hmm. And that's information, right? As opposed to being in my head and being like, oh, did she like what I just said? And am I saying the right thing? And what's the next thing I need to say that, like, kind of interrupting the the default path to thinking and start being curious of what's happening from my neck down right now? And what does that tell me about. What part of me is showing up? What I need here, what I'm reading from the other person, what's. What's real. You know, I don't know.
Stacy Mayer: It's not help. No, it absolutely does. Because I see it as being getting to the answers faster, actually. And this is through my own experience as well, when I'm trying to figure things out and next steps and what I want to do cognitively. I spend a lot of energy and a lot of time working on that. And when I check in with my body, the answer is so fricking clear, so fast. It's, it's either it's it really becomes this yes, no, in a good way. Right. Like it's just the clarity is so so there and and so it could be the clarity from whether or not you're like, I'm going to raise my hand. Or it could be the clarity from I'm going to reach out to this person or I'm going to connect or I'm going to get in relation. Or it could be the clarity. I'm going to take a nap, right? Right. But that that type of embodiment really makes a lot of sense in terms of what you're going to give up. You're going to give up the overthinking, the spinning out, the trying to solve the wrong problems like all of the nonsense.
Jay Fields: Right, right. And then to add in, like the more additive piece here, which is, you know, a huge part of what I work with my clients on is what part of you is having that experience. So we do a lot of parts work in the sense every one of us has all these.
Stacy Mayer: I don't know what this is. I'm like, Oh, I know.
Jay Fields: I sometimes call it the inner cast of characters, right? Like all of us have different parts and there's always like the very young version of us that's in there, the little kid that tends to be vulnerable and more scared and doesn't like adulting. Right. And then there's all these other parts that I call the strategic parts. They're the parts that came on board to protect that vulnerable little self in the ways that we told were socially acceptable. So in my story, which is the story of many women I know, you know, my my little girl self is shy, she's emotional. She wants everybody to like her and she doesn't want any disharmony. Hmm. Small world I would be living in if I let her run the show is never going to raise her hand. You know, my strategic sells are the like the good girl. Get the good grades, go get the promotion, be smart, never make anyone uncomfortable. Right. And she, if she's running the show, is never going to have my back. Yeah. She's going to say, Take a nap, sweetie. You're tired. Right?
Stacy Mayer: Right.
Jay Fields: Depending on what each of those parts has an embodied feeling. So the same way that one up, one down and same as we can usually go. Oh, I know what that feels like when I do that. Like, I know what it feels like when my little girl shows up. Wow. I want to hide. I can feel getting small. Even if I don't actually exhibit it, I can feel it. I know when that strategic part shows up because I get like. Tough. And I call her tough girl, actually, like she's she's tough, she's sarcastic, she's quippy. She's fast. You know, she's she doesn't slow down and I can feel that. And so a huge part of what I do with my clients is like, okay, now that you have that basic skill set of what do I feel in my body? Then you start to determine Who is that? What part of me is that? Because if you're going to step into a leadership role, you want to know what part of you is stepping into that role? Oh, you want to step in as Stacy. You want to step in as J. You don't want to step in as little Stacy You don't want to step in as strategic Stacy That is the sort of thing that it might get you there, but that's where it's not going to be sustainable and it's not going to be fulfilling. Yeah, yeah.
Stacy Mayer: Yeah. You know, I think one of the things that the listeners of this podcast and the women I work with are really appreciate about the corporate badass name that I give them is that it has this combination of that, right? Which is it's, you know, the corporate badass definitely takes care of herself, takes vacations, you know, spends time with her family and is also willing to go for it, put herself out there, do the work, so to speak, that it's going to take to be successful and be successful. I mean, build those relationships. Make sure she's not on an island by herself. Right. So it is that willingness. And and so that's why from the moment I came up with that, it's like an accident. But from an embodiment standpoint, I said something about, well, you're a corporate badass. And I was like, from an embodiment standpoint, it was everything. I was like, Oh yeah, done. That is I feel it. And that is the place, right?
Jay Fields: Yeah. And what that makes me think of how in my, in my group coaching program we have a module that's called Be the adult in the room.
Stacy Mayer: Yeah, I love that.
Jay Fields: That's awesome. That embodied thing of like, yes, you know, the women I work with are like, oh, believe me, I know when I am not the grownup in that room. Yeah. Like I can do it right. It's the tantrum or it's the hiding, whatever it is. So being being the adult in the room, stepping into that badass and doing it in a way that you you embody it. Because I think this is one of the things that I say so much like we have this saying in our culture, fake it till you make it. And I, when it comes to embodiment work, I think it's it's not that it's about embody it or excuse me, practice it until you embody it. Oh yeah. Because practicing like I'm going to walk into this room. Hold on, let me take a moment and feel the badass in me. Yeah, yeah. Like, if I can practice accessing badass energy before I walk into that meeting, eventually there's going to become a day where I just am that. Yeah. Because I know I put it on enough times in my body to know I could do this. I can be this, right?
Stacy Mayer: Right. Because the fake I mean, you know, it's language as well. Right. But what does this language make us feel? And and when I hear fake, I hear one up like immediately form, right? Perform. Yeah. And so this is not that. So you've been doing this work for a long time and I'm curious if you have any surprises that you've had along the way, any success stories or any special stories that you'd be willing to share with us?
Jay Fields: Oh, surprises. Hmm. Yeah. I mean, I think so. Yes. Actually, one comes to mind now. One surprise that I've I've had in my in my coaching practice is that three quarters of my clients are sober. Oh. And I didn't.
Stacy Mayer: Even. Right, right. Yeah. I would never.
Jay Fields: That I didn't. That's not my story. You know, I'm I'm not saying in order to work with me, you have to give up alcohol. But what I found in this makes so much sense retrospectively is that two things happen. Either someone in their life decides, I know I'm using alcohol to manage. It's a strategy, right? I'm managing my anxiety. I'm managing the sense of depression or lack of fulfillment, social anxiety. I'm not going to do that anymore. And now that I've given that up, it turns out I need skills, right? So they hire me because they need the skills to replace that smokescreen. That was alcohol. Yes. Or the other thing that happens is someone starts working with me and over the course of a couple months they find that. And someone said this beautifully a few months ago to me, she said, I, I stopped drinking because I found that the subtlety that I've been developing in our work together, the subtlety of being able to feel myself and know what I am experiencing, goes away when I drink. And I don't want to tolerate that anymore. I like feeling me. So been a huge surprise along the way.
Stacy Mayer: I love that. That is great. It's so good. So where do you see yourself and your work going next?
Jay Fields: Yeah. So you and I talked a little bit about this since we were in our on our role outside of this, I've recently developed a group coaching program because the last year has been a pivot in my life to go from working one on one only to being able to reach more people and enjoy that momentum and accountability that happens when you put your body of work into a group learning context. And that's called yours truly My Program. And so what I see happening next is just really growing that expanding how many people go through that and creating more of a sense of. Thank you to Eleanor. Eleanor Beaton. More of a sense of aligning now the nitty gritty day to day aspect of my work with with the vision, with this bigger vision of, hey, if 20 million people took yours truly, what would be possible in this world? Right.
Stacy Mayer: That's amazing.
Jay Fields: Right. And what I see possible is like, let's actually, like we were saying earlier, change what we think of as valuable in terms of how we show up. You know, being the heady, achievement oriented smarty pants isn't what's going to get you fulfillment. Being the embodied, socially and emotionally intelligent person is, Yeah, let's do that. So I feel really excited about. Doing more of this, like spread that mesh message.
Stacy Mayer: Oh, amazing.
Jay Fields: There's nothing wrong with that. Let's. Yeah, let's do that a little more.
Stacy Mayer: Yeah, I love it. So speaking of that, how can people find you if they want to learn more about your work and connect with you online?
Jay Fields: Yeah. So my website is my name J dash fields dot com and on there you have access to yours truly program which is the group coaching. I have one on one coaching and I also have two LinkedIn learning courses so you can link to them from my website or go directly to LinkedIn Learning. And actually this is part of your question. Part of what's next is I have a third LinkedIn learning course that I am currently writing that will film in August and probably launch in November. And the sneak peak of that is that it's it's about what I was talking about, about the parts work and in particular about not letting your insecurity be what lead to you, but instead having an actual embodied sense of confidence at work. So that's and.
Stacy Mayer: I love the exercise you shared with the different personalities that we have. And I just when you said that I saw the little girl and it's just like this is talk about embodiment. Like my brain just instantly went to this little child when you just said, don't let your insecurity guide you. Right? And I was like, I saw her. Is there she is. I mean, just like today, you know. Right. 30 minutes. I'm, like, already downloading what you're teaching. I love it so much. That's amazing. Yeah. So is there anything that we didn't touch on? Any advice that you would give us as we as we say goodbye today for corporate women looking to advance their career, but feeling a bit stuck, feeling underappreciated, but knowing that they're meant for more.
Jay Fields: Your insides matter. Stay with yourself. That's how I would say like, look, look what's stay with yourself means how am I feeling? What's happening in my body right now? The information that's there for you is important and it matters. And you're the first person to make it matter.
Stacy Mayer: Hmm. Thank you so much, J. I'm so I'm so grateful for you being here, and I know so many people listening are as well. Thank you.
Jay Fields: My absolute pleasure. Truly.
About Your Host
Hi! I'm Stacy Mayer, a Certified Executive Coach and Promotion Strategist on a mission to bring more diversity to the leadership table by getting 1000 underrepresented corporate managers promoted into senior executive positions each year worldwide.
I help undervalued executives scale to the C-Suite using repositioning strategies that build your confidence and visibility, so you can earn the recognition and support you need from key stakeholders while embodying your unique leadership style.
My podcast “Women Changing Leadership with Stacy Mayer” tackles topics like executive communication, getting more respect in the workplace from challenging bosses and team members, and avoiding the common mistakes that sabotage career advancement.